and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
