youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
