I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
it glows. i had to have it.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
