Have you finally orgasmed yet?
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
