wanna go halves on a baby?
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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