i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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