Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
