I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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