I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Randomize
