R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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