I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
