Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
