it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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