just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
