Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize