I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
we should paint friendship bongs
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
