There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
