Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
