I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
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