I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
