So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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