I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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