Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
