whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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