Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
and she was petting her beer can
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
