Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Congratulations! We have a period
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
