what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize