You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
