im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
