I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize