Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
