dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
