my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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