A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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