There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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