I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
