I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Randomize
