you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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