the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
