dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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