My sheets look like a crime scene.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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