I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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