I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I look excited, but its just a facade.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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