screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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