dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
