have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
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