Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Randomize
