I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
