I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
