I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
