I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
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