Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
sex in a hospital.. check
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
