I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
