at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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