my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
