She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
