she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
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