Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
