You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
