he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
