miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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