i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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