New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize
