Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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