I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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