It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
