I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
3pm strippers are depressing
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
