TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
