I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize