I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
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