i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
